From Ms. to Mrs.

The journey from Ms. to Mrs. is more than what the lowercase letter implies. Feminists mark it as the end of one’s own identity as we become the “Mr.’s” property; yet, I believe it is as much of a loss of “self” from both parties. Why do we covet our "his and her" towels, "his and her" sinks, and "his and her" dressers? We bite the bitter-sweet fruit and loose the enamel that protects our nerve. That one pink or blue toothbrush with vibrating plastic fibers chumming against our self decay seems to help us sleep at night knowing we wont end up laying down in a reclining chair rambling spontaneous sputters of sound and spit begging for shots of morphine.

Once the enamel is gone we are as brittle as the leaves falling. Though we may look graceful as we descend from our heightened green glory; our bounteous shades of red, orange, and yellow cause a dazzling spectacle of color and dance. This interpretive dance has fallen short of being properly interpreted, we are dying. Bacteria spreading through our veins, we fall to the gutters washed up and run over. But, there is a quick fix to this cavity of self wanting. It can be filled for a time with that off-white filament “mine.” However, the tingling sensation of what was once there still remains and with the hot and cold beverages we drink morning noon and night we are reminded. Such a reminder is left on my middle finger. No not the gesture we all are tempted to make on the highway but the growing callus on my right hand’s middle finger. Kitty-corner to the bed of my nail lies the growth which is continually rubbed by the idea to insert my maiden name on every signature. After 200 thank-you notes, I illegally forgot my legal name on every other one. Am I defiant or am I unaware?

To be fair to the other sex we must address the enamel lost in the canine teeth of men as we beckon them to take a bite. First, even though their identity never changes, they must identify themselves on a different tax form. Second, their paycheck dwindles by the additional fee for dual insurance coverage. Third, some may feel emasculated with a wedding band even with the additional “comfort fit” it never seems to fit right, but they know removing the band is banned.  The joint account and joint responsibility make some wish they rolled one. Their supped up standard, dual exhaust pipes, hydraulic engine, black market tinted two-seater is traded in for an automatic 4 wheel drive, 8 seater with stain resistant eco-friendly interior, multi cup holder, two sliding doors, and DVD player with complimentary laughing track by Elmo. Frustrated by imprisoning himself through child-lock doors, he whines and cries for mommy to release him from it. But the true reality which leaves men sulking in their sheets, what’s theirs is yours and what’s yours is yours in almost every judicial ruling.